I’m sorry
I am a paediatric clinical nurse specialist. During the Delta wave I was identified as someone with ICU experience and was sent to work in an adult ICU. My experience was 6 months as a new grad in the beginning of 2017. You can imagine the shock it was to be thrown in the deep end like that. I thought I had it bad but then a few weeks later they brought in nurses from theatres and non acute wards and many of them had zero ICU experience. It was not fair nor safe for the patients or the staff. The ICU staff were so thankful and helpful but it was not fair on them either, it increased their workloads as they were constantly needed to help the temporary staff.
So many shifts felt out of control. The acuity, the PPE, being drenched in sweat, being stuck in covid rooms for hours, the not knowing what you were doing or why and being constantly terrified you would make a mistake that could cost someone their life. Then came the deployment from the deployment where I got sent to a geriatric medical ward and had 7 patients including 4 full care/full assist and 1 actively dying patient. None of the nursing staff came from that ward, no one knew where anything was let alone what they needed to be doing. Yet everyone tried their best.
The worst part for me was not being able to provide people the care they deserved. When there were no visitors allowed many of these patients basic needs were neglected. Not out of laziness or lack of caring but because there were things that all took greater priority. I had one family member allowed to visit and she praised me and the other nursing staff for being “angels”. I smiled and nodded and then avoided her because I couldn’t face the praise when I knew the job I had been able to do was so below any standard I would expect for anyone in a hospital.
So I am sorry.
I’m sorry for my patients and not being able to provide the care they deserved.
I’m sorry to my paediatric colleagues that lost a senior staff member and left them short staffed and increased their workloads.
I’m sorry to the ICU nurses that tried their hardest to help us and make us feel welcome even though we were an extra burden they did not ask to bear.
I’m sorry to my fellow deployed nurses that had no “home”, had minimal support and still turned up and tried their best every shift.
I’m mostly sorry about our government that undervalues the nursing profession where caring for the people is at the heart of what we do. The government that lies to its constituents and tells them that the health system is coping.
We are not coping. Yet everyday we go to work exhausted physically and mentally and we try our best to care for your loved ones. But it’s not good enough.
I’m far from the worst off. I hear horror stories all the time. I only had to spend 9 weeks deployed yet it felt like forever. I am striking because we all deserve better.